DWJ is at a convention in Winchester when all of a sudden she is grabbed and pulled into a corner by a man dressed as a Klingon (there's always a Klingon at any convention - usually at the bar). "I'm a real Klingon" he says "The Borg have time travelled backwards in an attempt to assimilate you into the collective. They have read your books and have become huge fans."

"Of course they have," says DWJ, humouring the drunk convention goer.

Suddenly, the Borg appear. "You will give us your autograph at once", says one, "Then you will be assimilated"

DWJ is tranported up to the USS Enterprise (G, by this point, the way they're going through ships).

"I hate travelling" says DWJ, warily, as Data starts to spout useless phrases about her books.

"I'm jinxed", she warns them.

Suddenly, a shot rings out (oops, wrong genre). Suddenly, a phaser beam rocks the ship. A Romulan war ship has de-cloaked.

"Give us Diana Wynne Jones" says a Romulan, trying to look as threatening as possible through the viewscreen, "or we will blast you into next week"

"Fire all Phasers" shouts fat Raiker.

"Phasers are inoperable," says Data.

"I warned you I'm jinxed" says DWJ.

Suddenly, (there's that word again), a Klingon Bird of Prey de-cloaks. "You will give us Diana Wynne Jones at once, or we will turn you into P'TA'H and feed you to our children!" Shouts a knobbly looking Klingon with Acne.

The Romulans and Klingons open fire on each other and the Enterprise. The Enterprise, without the phasers, is a sitting duck and begins to smoke where the phasers hit.

All of a sudden, all three ships blow up at exactly the same time. But, by a chance of 14 billion, 6 million, 4 hundred thousand and 42, Diana Wynne Jones is blown out of the ship. Unfortunately, she's turned into a large whale.

And is falling towards the Earth. This is great, she thinks, I wonder how I can put this into my new book.... I warned them I'm jinxed!

DWJ falls towards Winchester at a great speed, doing whale summersaults all the way. Fortunately, she has a soft landing. She lands on the convention hotel where all the drunks and borg decided to have a huge party and are now lying in the car park, legless (literally, the borg are assimilating them). The co-incidence of this works out at 17 billion, 7 million, 4 hundred thousand and 43, which is a greater number than the co-incidence that turned her into a whale, so she changes back again. And has her foot run over by a taxi, who's come to pick her up to take her to the airport.

"Well, there's my next convention story to tell," she mutters, in between hopping up and down on one leg, foot in hand. "Damn this travel jinx."