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Charmed Lives fanzine, issue 2, nearly midsummer 1998
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The Highly Esteemed Archer's Goon Show
(A fantasia on a review of Archer’s Goon)
Chris Hill

GoonOnce in a while it is nice to indulge yourself

(If you have not yet read AG may I first ask ‘why not?’ and then suggest that you read it before reading this article, else major plot points will be spoiled for you).

(Still here? Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you...)

AG involves the gradual revelation of the fact that a small English town is being run by a family of seven; five brothers (Archer, Torquil, Erskine, Hathaway and Venturus) and two sisters (Dillian and Shine). They seem to have magical powers (apart from the fact that they are exiled from home by their parents, nothing is ever really discovered about their origins. Are they aliens? Do they come from another dimension? Or what?). Each of them farms certain parts of the town (Archer farms electricity, Venturus farms education, Shine farms the police, and so on).

The book begins when Howard Sykes comes home from school one day to find the Goon filling up most of the kitchen.

Well, actually, that’s where the plot begins. The book itself begins with 10 facts, which, it is claimed, will be proved during the course of the book. Allow me the liberty of repeating them here:

  1. A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.
  2. Pigs have wings making them hard to catch.
  3. All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  4. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.
  5. Music does not always soothe the troubled breast.
  6. An Englishman’s home is his castle.
  7. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
  8. One black eye deserves another.
  9. Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.
  10. It pays to increase your word power.

But are these important facts proved during the course of the book? Let us examine each of them in turn.

A Goon is a being who melts into the foreground and sticks there.

The Goon makes his appearance on the first page and, apart from being suspiciously absent at certain (in)convenient points, remains in the foreground up to the final page. In a way he is Howard’s shadow-self. While the other ‘farmers’ are easily identifiable, the Goon’s true identity is a secret from the reader until shortly before the end, only a handful of pages before Howard’s true position in the state of affairs is revealed. So the Goon does seem to be very present from his first appearance.

Pigs have wings making them difficult to catch.

I am not sure about this one. The explanation of the events in the book seem unlikely, as unlikely as a pig flying yet are seen to be true. Perhaps this is a metaphor or something.

All power corrupts, but we need electricity.

Well, the secret masters seem to be extremely corrupt, but cooking becomes a problem when Archer is crossed and cuts of the electricity supply. QED.

When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, the result is a family fight.

This refers to a most entertaining argument between the irresistible force (Catriona Sykes, trying to save her job) and the immovable object (Quentin Sykes, standing on his principles and refusing to do another 2000 words).

Music does not always soothe the troubled breast.

The Sykes family’s situation is not improved when all the musical instruments that Catriona (a music teacher) owns start to play themselves, courtesy of Torquil (who farms music). He also arranges for a variety of marching bands to ‘entertain’ them. Add to this the radio which cannot be switched off and the noise blaring from the television and a restful time is not being had by all.

An Englishman’s home is his castle.

Despite everything that goes on around him, Quentin still manages to maintain the integrity of his home.

The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Well, Shine, one of the two sisters, farms crime and Dillian farms the police, certainly the most dangerous forces in any small town.

One black eye deserves another.

Ginger Hind, one of Shine’s sidekicks gets a black eye, probably from a fight with Howard. Later Shine herself is also seen with a black eye. The source of the injury is, however, not made clear.

Space is the final frontier, and so is the sewage farm.

Until Venturus gets his full powers, the other rulers are restricted to the town, with the exception of Erskine. Because he farms the sewers he can travel to the sewage farm outside the town limits as long as it is by rubbish truck or via the sewers.

It pays to increase your word power.

Ultimately it is Quentin’s abilities as a writer (plus some judicious ‘adjustments’ made to his typewriter) which resolves the situation.

So, with the exception of number 2, all the points can be clearly seen to be proved. Diana plays fair with us, as always.

Indeed, the clues that point to the revelations (and also the resolution) of the story are clearly visible in hindsight, if so cleverly placed that they are almost invisible the first time through.


CHARMED LIVES, Issue 2

edited and unless otherwise indicated, written by Meredith

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